Thursday, November 8, 2012
It’s funny sometimes the twists and turns that life takes. When I say funny, I don’t mean the hilarious, side-splitting type of humour that people enjoy, although there are often occasions where that type of funny exists. It’s more the, ‘when I was 16 I did not ever in my wildest dreams imagine my life looking like this’ type of funny. I wish I could say that my twenties were the best, most enjoyable years I have ever lived, where I lived like a queen and achieved my dreams and desires and saw great feats accomplished. Rather, this decade of my life has been the most difficult and arduous journey of my life to date.
There has been disappointment, my goodness has there been disappointment. There has been heartache and heartbreak and many months and years of the weary battle for freedom. I’ve seen dreams come and go. I’ve seen relationships fade into the distance and I’ve become familiar with the bitter sting of loneliness.
But you know what? I wouldn’t change a thing. Not for a million billion trillion gazillion dollars could you ever make me say that I would’ve been better off never having experienced these years, because the lessons that I have learned, the battles that I have won, the experiences that I have gained and the notches on my belt I have scored are so valuable and they have set me up to win for the rest of my life.
It has been during this time that God, in His loving mercy and grace, has put my broken life back together and birthed dreams and vision and purpose for my life, something that I am eternally grateful for. It was during those tough years that God worked a number on me, where He dug a deep well and laid a strong foundation to build my life on, where He did some pruning of my beliefs and where He showed me the truth in His word.
If I had never felt that sinking battering ram of disappointment, I would never have come to learn that God has plans to prosper me and not to harm me, that it’s HIS hope that anchors me in the storms, not the financial security of a job, that His ways are higher than my ways and when I can’t figure out my next step, it’s His WORD that is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. I would never have learned what it is to trust Him completely, in the times when I felt on top of a mountain or when I felt so low I could taste the dirt in my mouth. I would never have experienced that knee-wobbling faith when you step out into the world without the safety net of yourself and being in control
So when I look back at the twists and turns that my life has taken, I’m choosing to see it through the eyes of heaven, that the highs and the lows have been the training ground for something much greater, that these years haven’t been in vain but rather they’ve been in preparation of something divine. That’s why I’m so thankful for every step of this journey, because I know God is at work and He’s not finished with me yet.
“God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my Heart to His eyes” Ps 18:24 MSG